In the tradition of Sydney J Harris and Roger Simon (when he was worth reading), here are some thoughts and ideas which have been floating around my brain lately which don’t merit blog entries of their own but are important nonetheless:
– What is so freaking important that an ever-growing segment of the population finds it necessary to walk around with Bluetooth headsets all the time? What really gets me are the 60-year-old grandparents walking around with these things on Sunday mornings at places like Egg’lectic Cafe.
– If you do not carry a UK or Australian driver’s license, don’t call computer hardware “kit.” It’s called “computer hardware” or “equipment.”
– If you’re in line at Starbucks in downtown Arlington Heights on a Saturday morning, don’t start shopping and sampling items from the bakery case while the line builds behind you. Some of us just want to get our coffee and leave so we can wake up and be productive members of society. And we don’t care if the coffee cake is “ohmygodthisisAWESOME!” You’re not Rachel Ray and we’re not interested.
– A rule I’ve lived by long before Esquire said you should do it: always schedule appointments– doctor, dentist, etc.– at the very beginning of the day. You will rarely be taken late, and if you are, you can blame it squarely on the person you’re seeing. Then attempt to charge them for their tardiness.
– My buddy JDR’s #1 Rule of Fast Food: You can always tell a good hotdog place by their use of the word “Dawg” in their name.
– Do not, ever, refer to the suburbs as “the ‘burbs.” You just sound stupid.
– I am convinced that the Food Network’s Alton Brown is the annoying kid from the Encyclopedia Britannica commercials from the 80s. I have nothing to back it up other than the fact that they are both at the same level on the annoyance meter and they look a lot alike:

(Okay, so I learned that they’re not the same person. The Encyclopedia Britannica kid is actually Stan Freberg’s son. I still think they could be the same person, though.)
There. I feel better now.