I saw Van Helsing on Saturday.
Taken for what it is– a big, loud, flashy movie— it’s actually very good.
Anyone expecting significant character development or an explanation as to why all this stuff is happening to all these people should consider watching something else. You can’t pick this movie apart on the details, because it simply won’t hold up. But that’s okay.
You’ve got hunky Hugh Jackman as Dr. Gabriel Van Helsing (as opposed to Abraham Van Helsing, the character in Bram Stoker’s novel) out there using his gadgetry and sheer will power to take on the 2004 versions of all the Universal greats: The Wolf Man, Frankenstein’s Monster, Mr. Hyde, and of course, Dracula.
Then you’ve got dishy Kate Beckinsale as a corseted, driven, take-charge-kinda-last-of-a-tormented-Romanian-family-gal. She’s been trying on her own to rid Transylvania of Dracula and his entourage, and she doesn’t take kindly to Van Helsing when he shows up to take on The Fanged One. She has her own extensive set of cutlery– in impressive display cases conveniently located throughout her home, no less– so there’s never a shortage of silver stakes in the movie. I couldn’t define her accent– it varied between something vaguely British and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. She sure was hot, though. And who knew they had Spandex back then?
Oh, and I need to mention the vampire chicks. Yeah. The vampire chicks. A bunch of flying Victoria’s Secret models with bad ‘tudes and cool contact lenses.
Dracula is played by Richard Roxburgh, and every time he was on screen I expected him to launch into “Virginia Plain.” His Dracula looked remarkably like Bryan Ferry. Comic relief and Van Helsing’s impressive hardware are provided by Carl (David Wenham) who is, we hear over and over, not a monk but a friar.
And the Frankenstein monster in the movie is like none you’ve encountered before.
All that being said, the best advice I can offer is that you settle into your seat, turn off most of your brain, and just enjoy the ride. Forget most of what you learned of these monsters from the original movies or reading Anne Rice (or watching Dark Shadows), and just let the whole thing unfold.
Yeah, it’s formulaic, there are lots of glib one-liners (“I think we’ve overstayed our welcome” *KABOOM*), and there’s lots of cool CGI. But this is supposed to be a fun summer action movie, so just go with it.
Probably my favorite moment in the movie is the opening piece, which is a 21st-century reshooting of the best parts of the James Whale/Tod Browning 1930s monster movies. It’s in black and white, you’ve got your villagers with their torches, and you’ve got all the cool Dr. Frankenstein wizardry, culminating in a “They’re headed for the windmill!” scene.
I recommend it. The only question remaining at the end of the movie is: these Transylvanians sure put up with a lot; why don’t any of them move?